BOLLYWOOD’S UGLY NIGHT

Last night, one saw an unprecedented ugly spat between the so-called brotherhood of Bollywood fraternity on public display at the Star Screen Awards at MMRDA Grounds, Bandra. Frankly, the award show was rolling along fairly smoothly , with the hosts Sajid Khan ( Hey Baby) , Shreyas Talpade and Farah Khan ( choreographer and OSO director) doing their entertaining bit, with the standard scripted buffoonery and spontaneous digs at all and sundry. There were the usual impersonations of the Dostana homosexuality angle and the Fashion wardrobe malfunctions. In fact, it looked instinctive for most parts, and an engaging tongue-in-cheek affair, almost reminiscent of the hilarious Filmfare awards of last year hosted by Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan, which was smart spoofiness at its sardonic best. At one point Sajid Khan even wondered aloud if Farah Khan was indeed a woman! The sister guffawed back-stage. Then suddenly Ashutosh Gowariker happened.

Gowariker’s modest commercial earner but critically acclaimed Jodhaa Akbar got the Best Film Award, and as the bulky director of Lagaan and Swades took center-stage , all verbal hell broke loose. Let me try and rephrase the conversation as close to what was probably uttered :

Gowariker: I am dismayed and disturbed by the ridiculous manner in which these award functions make fun of people like us who work in the industry. This is a solemn occasion to recognize talent and not to make jokes and poke fun. I look forward to these occasions and Sajid and Farah Khan are making a mockery of things.

Sajid ( interrupts): Ashu, this is an awards show, we have to entertain our live and TV audiences. This is fun, and we are only doing so in a lighter vein. See, everyone is laughing and enjoying themselves. I thought we are one big family.

Gowariker ( interrupts): What rubbish! We all work hard to make these films, only to be insulted by you guys? . Why were you hustling all when they were making their thank-you speeches, and then you jabber away to glory unrestrained? I wanted to hear the Marathi award winners make their small speeches too? .

Sajid ( interrupts): Ashu, we have instructions to keep the program going. We have to be brief, that is our mandate.

Gowariker: Shut up!

Sajid: Who are you to say shut up to me?

Gowariker: Shut up! I know this bit will be edited before it is aired on TV but you all are a shame and an embarrassment.

Sajid: We care for the only one true judge—- the audience. No one else can tell us what is right or wrong or to shut up.

Later, Amar Singh , Samajwadi Party MP who has a knack for landing up at all award shows with the Bachchan family, uses the platform to applaud Gowariker ‘s vocal outburst against the show hosts.

Sajid, Farah and Shreyas looked completely devastated and blown off by the vitriolic exchange as the entire junta and the Bollywood celebrities sat stunned at the nasty altercation. But Farah Khan added that she was not going to apologise for entertaining people the way they did as she had no hidden malice whatsoever.

In between, in the ultimate coup of sorts, India’s biggest ““state non-actor” Akshay Kumar received the popular award of Best Actor for Singh is Not King or something akin to that , which left him as stunned as the disbelieving audience. Then Kumar put on the biggest farce act seen since Mukri and Johny Walker in the 1960s movies ; in a somber voice he dedicated the award to———guess whom? Aamir Khan for Ghajini. Really? Such fake biraadri has never been seen before in India’s vicious ego-driven tinsel-town. Looking appropriately rehearsed, and with deliberate intent Kumar serenaded Aamir Khan throughout his affected speech even as he assiduously plugged his forthcoming Chandni Chowk into it as well. Very fishy stuff, and the Aamir Khan bit seemed hugely suspect. Then dramatically, he left the golden statue behind. That by itself looked like his best ” performance” to date.

The brother-sister duo of Sajid and Farah who were hopping around with great enthusiasm till the dramatic confrontation with Gowariker, were visibly shaken. The end was a huge anti-climax. In fact, the stars bolted out of sight even as the fire-crackers adorned the night sky.

My verdict: Farah Khan and Sajid do not just laugh at others, they laugh at themselves more. And that to me is a sign of people who have a sense of humour and are essentially well adjusted. Om Shanti Om was a reflection of that wild spirit. Even SRK laughed off that dog bit from Aamir Khan, which was in pathetic taste, I thought. In fact, he even takes jokes on his rumored sexuality with a cool indifferent stride.

Last night, Gowariker forgot that if Bollywood cannot learn to laugh at itself, it does not deserve to call itself an ” entertainment” industry yet. It is immature, hyper-sensitive , narcissistic, over-rated, and even its creative juices are perhaps just manufactured for public consumption, without any real convictions. In private ( and without taking away their professional expertise) , they are just small-time churlish sorts with a warped sense of self-importance ( who have been given exaggerated importance by the national media) , perversely ill-humored and lacking basic social graces .

Both Gowariker and Bollywood need to grow up. It will help if they watch a few Jim Carey films. Then imitate him in real life before plagiarizing it on the multiplex screen. That will be what a Momento!