YOU DON”T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

Rating: 3.25/5

This movie has an inauspicious beginning; it starts with a widescreen shot of Adam Sandler’s McDonald’s hamburger-shaped bum . Sandler ( Zohan) , for whom playing the buffoon is like slipping into second skin, is part of some Israeli spy force ( god bless the Mossad!) and is a cult hero , like Rambo. He performs pyrotechnics, straight out of Gemini circus, but it is effective thanks to nincompoop opponents. Naturally, the Arabs want him in a kebab roll.

Sandler has a peculiar fetish however , he wants to be a Park Avenue, New York hair stylist instead of doing military drills and playing basketball with small grenades. Following an underwater free-for-all with his Middle-Eastern counterpart , where Sandler’s swimming trunks bulge when a nasty piranha jumps into them , Sandler misleads the world into believing that he is now dead man floating. Then he does a self-scissor act, which converts him from a George Harrison look-alike into Adam Sandler with a French beard, and lands in Manhattan. What follows is sheer ludicrousness.

Sandler , who even brushes teeth with humus, manages to get a job with a down and out salon owned by a PYT of Arab descent. Sandler does not just cut hair, he does some deadly hip-shaking pelvic- thrusting dances that would frankly make even Shakira feel threatened. Naturally, the women get aroused by his constantly burgeoning you-know-what , and soon he provides free “value-added services”. Overnight, a queue of over 60’s women , dentures, wig, hip transplants, and an assortment of other ailments form outside the ramshackle salon. Naturally, Zohan becomes a celebrity hair-dresser , although he is shown more busy with his “ pee-pee” ( to quote him).

The Arabs soon discover that the Israeli spy is alive, kicking ,cutting and ———-, and want Zohan in their meat-roll, with or without humus. But before long they discover that George Bush is responsible for the Arab-Israeli conflict , and there is the usual brotherhood of man and mighty hugging and ass-slapping. How you wish Palestine was in New York! Zohan lives another day to cut hair and cut loose.

As the hip-hop types would say, Zohan’s shit is in a mess. But with a lot of humus and humor too.